Loss of Senses

IMG_0956Eyes so wet on the inside, lips so dry and alone. She carried the weight of her anger on her shoulders and straight ahead she walked. Unable to look forward and scared of looking back.

She was stuck in a moment and every step she took lead her back to where she had begun. Spiralling in circles yet still not utterly out of control. A heavy yet skinny body struggling to keep up the facade of strength. A heart so overwhelmed and under powered still ticking with no sound or hope.

This was it, she realised, the one mistake that will bring her down to her knees but she could not even find her knees, they seem to have sunk into her flesh and bones yet she is still standing, not tall, but not too short even though she has shrunk from her usual size.

Never in a million years would she have thought she could be here. Her master plan failed and all her contingency plans had disappointed her as well.

Could she have been wrong about her mental abilities? Or is she slipping towards insanity day by day?

But no, she still closes her eyes and walks into walls and still comes out with a few scratches, wounds and scars, licks them clean and dives into the next crap hole.

She stinks of fear and anger. She reeks of pain. No one else smells it but her though the stench is choking her day by day. She smells nothing else, no roses or perfumes, just that horrible stench of dead dreams.

She prays for her poor heart to stop fighting, to surrender and raise the white flag. But her heart still plays an ugly melody of melancholy and chaos. A melody that harms her ears and renders her deaf.

Her wet eyes cannot see, blinded by the reality outside.
Her tired hands have lost their sense of touch.

She has lost control over her senses and only waits on the sidelines of her chaos, blind, deaf and alone. She waits for nothing and no one. Yet still she waits.

About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in About Me, ache, anger, confusion, darkness, desire, disappointment, dreams, emotions, fears, feelings, frustration, insanity, life, loneliness. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s