Execrable!

I, so naively, thought that I could go on without this blog!

I thought that I was strong – or maybe just sane – enough to take the execrable situations, that I am repeatedly forced into, and make something good out of them, without the need to vent by writing; you know, tackle each problem and solve it as I go!

Sadly though, I was painfully wrong – just like many other times where I thought I knew better!

Am I a changed person since the last post I wrote and published here? I believe so.
Do I like this new person I am now? For the most part, maybe yes, but when it comes to the important part of me, the part that thrives on great feelings, passion, and all this crap, the answer is NO!

“They” are there as a constant reminder that this will not be easy! Their little conspiracy theories, their lack of commitment, their lies, their schemes, and all other negative things they bring into my days and burden my soul with, they are all so hard to shake off!

“She” never stops the blame… Every single day… Never satisfied with anything I do or say; never willing to give me some space to breath!

Breath! God, I miss breathing: taking long, deep breaths and feeling better… It has been so long since I really felt better!

“He” never seizes to amaze me with the audacity he so proudly carries onto his personality, wearing it as a coat to cover his weary bones and a cat to warm his tired mind!

And yes, I am tired… And I do ache…

But what is different now?

I gave up… I gave up on people and I gave up on trying. I have no more faith in anyone or anything and I live, day by day, never looking forward to anything and always holding my head to the front not to look back… But that’s it! A mere, shallow and futile existence; no one is worth it!

And to all of you out there, whom I’ve written a few letters to the past few months, you sadly proved to me how well-deserved each word I wrote about you was and I hope that one day life will teach you how pain can scar, the way you did me…

Regards…

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About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in anger, faith, life, pain, surrender. Bookmark the permalink.

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