A Hesitant Suicide Note…

A while back, around 4 or 5 years ago, I remember writing a suicide note. I know what you’re thinking: “Crazy!” It’s your opinion. So maybe I am, maybe I’m not.
Come to think of it, the funny and equally ironic thing about that suicide note, which I remember very clearly now, as if I wrote it a couple of days ago, is the reason why I decided to write that note: A state of overwhelming happiness and safety, one which I was scared that this cruel life would steal away from me!

That suicide note explained the bliss and serenity I felt and how terrifying the thought of losing all that I had, all that I felt and the love that grew inside of me then, due to something out of my control!

Today, as I stand here trembling with fear of the mere thought of having to be threatened, humiliated, rejected, abandoned and marginalized, I think I have reached a new point of surrender: a point of no return…

It is one thing to die while your in love and your loved in return, happy, blissful and satisfied. However, it’s another thing to die because your body began to cave in and fall apart, your mind is almost numb from negative thoughts and your heart is weak and feeble from the pain you are put through, day after day, and with no true reason of why this is all happening!

Lies, lies and more lies!

Deception, deception and more of it to come!

Ignorance, selfishness, carelessness…

Inflated ego, weak personalities, chains and no saws!

Now, after I thought this through, I surrender: I planned it all and prepared for the final scene…

I am finally relieved!

The clock is ticking and soon, it will be all over; for I have been all I can be and did all I can do for a big fat “NOTHING”!

May this soul of mine finally rest in peace…

P.S: For all of you out there who contributed to this final scene: May you get exactly what you deserve in life. You mocked my pain but your time must and will come.


About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in confusion, fear, final, loss, Love, note, pain, scene. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to A Hesitant Suicide Note…

  1. Anonymous says:

    amazing stuff thanx 🙂

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