Take it All Back…

Take it all back just like you pretended to give it away…
Break me one more time, my heart is mutilated anyway!

Try to shake me more though you know that my grounds are trembling,
Go ahead, be like everyone else; shattering, painful and dissembling…

Talk about us behind my back, blame it all on my “bad” behavior!
You’re just like anyone else, you put people down while acting like a savior!

Try to tame me and taint me more and more,
These tears I shed for you I HATE and abhor!

Take it all away, all those hollow nights, the empty words and all you did,
Take it all away, I placed a bet on us and I so sadly lost the bid!

You think you can play me? Just because you know how hard I collide?
You think you can easily abuse my heart because my emotions I can’t hide?

Well “bravo” I tell you, you did it and to you I raise my hat in shame…
I’m not the victim here, I insist, I am the only one to blame!

I ache for the memories that were nothing to you,
I bleed again, I bleed for me and not for you…

As for me,

My apologies I extend to you because far from perfect I was and I admit,
Between the past, the present and the future, my damned soul was split!

I apologize for any time I caused you pain or any frown I drew on your face,
I apologize for allowing myself to be lost in your far from real embrace…

But most of all,

I apologize for seeing a family for me in your eyes,
For thinking that your smile is the cure for all my sighs…

I apologize for placing my happiness in your clumsy hands,
I apologize for laying my trust in your moving sands…

You made your point clear and now I must deal with this,
I just wish for serenity, not happiness, not love nor bliss…


About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in anger, pain, Personal, sorrow, soul, tears, trust. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Take it All Back…

  1. Anonymous says:

    What made write all these things?

  2. BeeBee says:

    Hello Anonymous, whoever you are…What made me right all these things is very simple: deep sorrow and pain! I just know now, for sure, that I am the one to blame for building great expectations of human beings in general… I guess my disappointment in my wrong judgments, over and over again, gives me this urge to just SCREAM it out loud and since that is inappropriate, I just write it down, to vent and try to readjust my sanity!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I would like to stay anonymous this makes it an interaction between thoughts. Without regards to the people interacting. which is usually filled with stereotypes, prejudices and my favourite social profiling.To be honest the title of the blog intrigued me I said to myself someone proved the existence of the soul I need to see that :-)))Apparently you didn’t :-)I think lowering one’s expectations and accepting depression as a human condition helps some times to deal with sorrow & pain?? What do you think?I am not sure. Were you talking about a personal experience ? u loved someone who didn't love you back? or changed? turned up to be a fake?

  4. BeeBee says:

    Dear Anonymous…Thank you for your feedback and your constructive criticism…I feel the need to explain, a bit further, a few points that you have mentioned.1."I said to myself someone proved the existence of the soul I need to see that…Apparently you didn’t…" I am not trying to prove the existence of somebody's soul, I'm trying to prove my own soul's existence! I think for you to prove that your soul exists, you have to conduct your own soul searching and you have to share your experiences and feelings and not be afraid of doing so when you know you might be judged or attacked!2. "Were you talking about a personal experience ? u loved someone who didn't love you back? or changed? turned up to be a fake?" Most of my writings stem from personal experience, the characters, places and events may differ, but they usually revolve about how I feel about those things at the time they happen. Sometimes, the reactions may be exaggerated, depending on how bad I felt or the degree of disappointment.3. Finally, allow me to tell you something if I may, you said "I think lowering one’s expectations and accepting depression as a human condition helps some times to deal with sorrow & pain?? What do you think?" my reply to that is the following: I convince myself not to have high expectations, or any if possible, not to get hurt though in healthy relationships, expectations are a must. Moreover, I do not think that I d accept depression rather sometimes allow myself to surrender to my sorrow, for a short period of time but then, naturally, I will have to get back on my feet because a lot of people depend on me and need me. As simple as that.Thank you again for your time.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I was not trying to criticize at all. If my words sounded like that didn't mean to. In my opinion having no expectations at all (Good or bad) should be the theme of the relationship just go with the flow. Because having expectations means having a framework that you are comparing to. The problem with having a framework is that, i don’t think anyone can quantify relationships and i don’t think anybody can tell what will make them happy. So going with the flow and keeping an open mind is my way of doing things.

  6. BeeBee says:

    I did not try to point out that you were criticizing, it's an opinion and all opinions are valued even if not agreed upon. Yet, again, I have to disagree with you one more time about expectations. Take this example: if you have a pet, a cat for instance, you feed it, clean it and play with it and you do EXPECT, in return, that this cat will "love" you on some level and in its own way, try to make you happy. Otherwise, why own a cat? Just throw it away and stay alone without the hassle of taking care of it!If we don't expect from others, especially those close to us, why stay with them? Just to have fun? Go out? Watch movies? Make out? Etc… What is the purpose of being with someone who you can not depend on or find there when you are in any kind of need? A relationship is so much more than just love and understanding, it is those plus many other elements and for my being able to have expectations of the other person is a necessity… or was (since no male, so far, has been able to barely meet my lowest expectations, not a father, not a brother, not an uncle and certainly not a boyfriend!)

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