“Visit any bookstore and you’ll find dozens of books about relationships; how to keep them together, how to grieve the loss of a loved one, how to find and keep the “perfect” mate, and the list goes on and on. Rarely will you find books on being single unless they relate to healing some aspect of yourself in preparation for a relationship.”
I can not deny that being in a loving relationship has its benefits; there is no doubt about it: Someone to talk to at any given moment, someone to rub your sore shoulders after a hard day’s work, someone to do things with, someone to make you feel special, and someone to whisper “sweet nothings” in your ear.
There is nothing wrong about being in a relationship IF and WHEN both parties feel the same way towards one another and share the same commitment, values, and goals. A relationship can be terrific if both people are in touch with who they and their partners are and are okay with being alone. A dyad is great if both people share honestly with each other and are relatively healthy (for who of us is totally healthy 100% of the time?). Couple hood can be marvelous as long as there is mutual respect and some communication and conflict- management skills. Unfortunately, few relationships share all of these points leaving many people dissatisfied.
What about being single? Typically, society views it as being out of our control. If we’re single, it’s because someone left us or doesn’t want us. Seldom seen as a choice, loneliness is more often seen as boring, depressing, sad, negative, and something to remain in for only a short period of time or to be altogether avoided if possible.
However, in reality, being single can be a life-saving, rejuvenating experience. In fact, one can’t truly be successful in a relationship without being single for a time. Being single allows us to do what we want, when we want, and with whom we want without having to answer to anyone. Being single allows us to take full responsibility for out major as well as minor decisions in life. It allows us the time to sit in quiet solitude, to belch as loud as we want, and secretly watch shows that no one else would actually ever admit to watching. This is because we have more time on our hands and are not avoiding looking at ourselves by focusing our energies on someone else.
Essentially, being single gives each of us the chance to discover who we really are, what we do and don’t like, how we deal with things, what we want out of life, what our expectations are, what our potentials and limitations are, what energizes and empowers us, and what discourages and disappoints us. It allows us to take the fault for the bad decisions we take and take full credit for the right decisions we make. The goal of being single should be to learn to fulfill ourselves, to meet our needs, and to develop as a human being regardless of whether or not we choose to enter into a relationship. By learning to love and care for ourselves, we diminish the risk of starving for someone else to fill the void within our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. The purpose of entering into a relationship should be to share oneself with another person as opposed to trying to get from someone what is lacking in ourselves. Expecting someone else to fill in the gaps usually results in grave disappointments , a sense of failure, and endless resentment.