Pain, Anger & Fear…


After a long disappearance from the writing/ blogging scene, I am sad to pronounce that I come back to you, once more, loaded with pain, fear and utter disappointment…

Though, I must admit, some days during my absence I did feel a certain amount of hope, content and peace with myself and the world around me, I so relentlessly smacked yet another time into the walls of my cruel and inhumane reality which plays the biggest role in shielding my long-term peace of mind and serenity…

As a human being, I am left with a strapping and undeniable fear of what the world might be coming in terms with. I am scared of other human beings, those that have no morals, those that have so much power or those who feel and fear nothing. I am terrified from the authority that is given to anyone who can not be a leader and I am worried of the strength given to those who have no inner strength to love and give…

As a girl, I am anxious about my life and my decisions… I am restless about things that I should be responsible for; about being a good daughter, sister, employee, wife or mother… I am nervous about what life has hidden for me in terms of what I need to do, as a girl, and how I need to do it….

As a friend, I am sad and angry at myself for knowing how my performance as a friend has deteriorated and that I am incapable of fixing that at the time being (just as incapable as I have been for the past 4 months!)

As a soul, I am lost for words, mixed for thoughts, pained for feelings, numb for shocks…

I feel empty… From the inside out…
I feel nothing… I can hear no sound….

The throbbing in my heart has come to a rest…
I can feel no heart beat inside my aching chest…

In denial I lay here and I pray…
For a sign that there might be a better day!

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About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in Friends, Lost, Love, Personal, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Pain, Anger & Fear…

  1. zeezazoo says:

    😦 it's really sad to know that u came back that way!!!!and the sadder part is that u r feeling pain and fear… humans can be mean, humans can be cruel… but believe me, humans can be amazing and friendly and dream makers!!! i believe in that, simple since the day i met u… so plz bee, don't stop believing in life and dreams, cuz our dreams r the reason behind our living!!

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