Beginning the Year: Beirut

First of all, I wish you all a more relaxing and less troublesome new year!

Now, let me dig in to the main subject of today…

Date: Friday, January 05, 2007

Location: Hamra, Beirut (my old office)

I have so many things I want to talk about but somehow I am unable to prioritize them in useful and meaningful phrases!

Being here once again, being in the capital which carries the same name as I do, walking down its streets, breathing in its fresh yet humid winds, seeing all the familiar faces, hearing its casual yet somehow comforting noises… It takes me back to those days… The days when everything was so calm in its own way… Those days when I was sad yet was able to carry a sincere smile everywhere I go… Back when being extremely happy was achieved by a small drive down by the sea shore or just by walking to and from university, watching the world pass by so quickly yet so peacefully…

It is raining outside… I just got inside and I’m all wet… I feel that I am getting really sick but I still can maintain a beam on my face… I feel at ease with everything around me… I feel like I am at home; right where I am supposed to be…

I sometimes wish I could lose life at moments like these just to maintain this state of soul I am experiencing… I wish I would just part with life on such occasions when holding on to beautiful moments would be eternal…

I am Beebee’s torn and healing heart… I am my own soul’s reflection… I am a lost mind wandering around in this beautiful capital… Beirut.

Look at all these people around me… I am blessed… I am cursed… I am, once again, confused…

Deep inside I know that I can never be as happy as I am right now which, in a twisted kind of way, makes me the saddest I can ever be! You see, what you can’t have is always more attractive, it is even sexier! What you can’t have is always what you want and even what you need! The impossible is the maximum satisfaction as long as it remains impossible… And so on…

Beirut: the capital… I love you… I love you more and more each day… I love how similar you are to me… I love your contradictions, your mood swings, your ups and downs… I love the sadness you carry within your rains and the happiness your sunshine brings… I love how your sea is calm sometimes and at other times how crazy its waves can be… I love the people who live in you… The people who live around you… Even those who hurt you…

I think I will end this long piece of writing now… With all my love and sincere loyalty…


About outlived

X-dreamer, fighter and writer... Using words to unleash the pain that eats me from the inside out, day after day!
This entry was posted in About Me, Lost, Love, Personal, Thoughts. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Beginning the Year: Beirut

  1. zeezazoo says:

    nice piece of writing… i loved it…i'm really glad u r having a good time at ur home, beirut… u were really looking forward to seeing it and ur friends there… i'm so excited for u… i think that u should go back to live in beirut once again but when things calm down there… i hope u keep on smiling even when u come to amman, eventhough i know u don't wanna come back and that u hate it here, but i hope u've changed ur mood and u'll come back in higher spirits… i hope u had ur own time away from everything and everybody u know in amman… and i hope u found answers to the questions in ur mind…it was nice reading this post, i loved it and i love it when u r happy… u deserve it…and u r right… what we can’t have is always more attractive, it is even sexier!!!

  2. Houssam says:

    Helo beirutits hOUsasm From the NOCC< I know that we just meet for 30 minutes,nice to meet u anyway, wish that u r having good time, and nice jobFrom here, I wish for u the success in ur lifeTake cArEByE

  3. BeeBee says:

    Thank u Houssam! It feels great to read ur comment! I appreciate it! Take care and say hi to Alloush..

  4. Anonymous says:

    I read that too. So i deserve a hi similar to Alloush's. Nice article, good to know that one of those computers ifront of us is ued to something deeper than commercial programing.Regards;M.Daher

  5. BeeBee says:

    M. Daher! It is great to read a comment from you as well! Thank you so much inta kemn! 🙂 happy now? Salam la ilak inta kamen. it was nice to finally meet you btw! Ur name was always mentioned when I was working at NOCC! (don't worry, bil kheir)

  6. Anonymous says:

    The Undeniable Existence of the Soul: With all the opposite "isms" (agno, atho and all the others) referring to the undeniable absence of the Soul, Man has entered deep inside the earthly dimension. And what has got to do with your life? Well, you can answer that question. Wandering and whistling one day in the prairie of web and its dark mazes, I stumble on your blog, and how many there are now. The jordanian touch of it give it a desert feeling and how you spice it with all the dilemmas of that Soul. Your blog expresses something, an unpretentious attitude of the people of the coast, that is from Israel to Turkey, I can't put it into words now. But it has this wisdom and talent, of course when I say blog, it's the person behind the machine. One of the things I like is how you and the life in you enter the web abiding by ITS rules. Then it seems you try to hold this fiber-stream through your posts. Then what is funny, is the "ballet" between your blog and of your bestfriend's. So one read headlines on yours about daily life and then to deepen each “event” switches to his. On the other hand, your thoughts and feelings: to describe them is impossible and there’s no need to, your reader enjoys it, hope you’ll keep posting soon. But what have left of your private existence if you talk about it in other words, in a way you “lie” to yourself or look at it differently because you have an audience to attend to. Your reader witnesses depth, passion, observation, tension sometimes. You mirror the truth of each one through your truth, undefinable, but quite bothering. If Beebee is what she writes, she has her family, bestfriend, friend, boyfriend in some occasions, then at one time you are stopping the blogging activity to collect some “life” in order to tell, hey I have lived this much, and this is what I felt. I will never meet you and know you, if in case there’s a been the eye contact one time and or we cross-roads on a Lebanese cross-road when driving but that could be all. Nice to meet you! Mr.M

  7. yaser says:

    its nice to be home,bierut is a magnificent city , i honestly wish that i can live in bierut .i wish you good days any where you stay

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